Carehaven Reflection

After reading through the information and description about my volunteer placement I feel that this is going to be a very challenging enviornment. I think I am worried and anxious in general but I feel positive about this setting.

I have alot of ideas and assumptions running through my mind but I wouldn't dare speak them....

I have worked really hard concerning this project and I am glad that I accomplished many of the phases connected with this trip. Pre- SA, I feel confident and strong about the skills I have and those that will be utilized and enhanced by working with this population.

I already know I have to figure out a way to be strong. However, I'll take my advisers advice and balance my expectations and thoughts....

4 days....and counting

So, today I received my placement:

Carehaven which is in Athlone

MISSION STATEMENT

The mission of Carehaven is to provide residential shelter and refuge to abused women and their children, the opportunity for them to find healing and to learn skills that will empower them to cope as seld-reliant members of society

I am going shopping today with Faith to pick up a few items for my plane ride and a pair of cargo pants...I'll post pics!

5 days....

Well, I'm in Chicago now trying to rest and finish up the other things I had to do....

• Go shopping
• Re-write my propsal
• Buy my insurance

So, I'm getting nervous now, especially about the plane ride and staying with so many people in the home base. I had a conference call Friday (July 25th) and my Program Adviser went over a few of important things

1. Currency - 7 / 8 rand = $1 US Dollar
2. Rules and Regulations (you know, curfew, interacting with people at your placement, house rules, etc.) boring stuff....blah, blah
3. Something that was mentioned, in SA the drinking age is 18 but they want people to still follow US drinking laws. My program adviser stated that if anyone comes in after curfew, "You'll get a really good talking to...!" lol to that
4. She gave us a few important phone numbers
5. She also gave us an idea of how much things cost...So, how much taxis will cost per week, inexpensive and expensive meal ranges, purchasing a cheap cell phone....yeah.

So, right now I'm just reading and preparing.

I'll begin the countdown....7days....

Today,

Not much progress in my preparation, I've rolled two pieces of clothing and placed them in my suitcase

Well, at least my suitcase is out of the basement...

Oh, I looked up this bike tour and I think I'm definitely going to do it...YAAY... who would have thunk I'd tour Capetown, South Africa at 25...and tour some of it on a bike...lol

What has kind of thrown my schduele off is losing my debit card, I could have done some of my small shopping now but I have to wait until I get my debit card, which is of course being mailed to my Chicago address

I have also worked out my Bus Plans (I think)

• I'll drive home tomorrow (July 25th) leave my car and clothing items in Chicago (so when I return I'll have regular clothers to wear and a car to drive)
• Ride the megabus back to Ann Arbor (July 31)
• Get my friend to drive me around that night to pick up last minute items at Meijer's and Wal-Mart
• Then, she plans to take me to the airport in the morning (August 1st)
• I arrive back in the states, August 24th in Chicago, so my car will be there and I'll have clothes...does that make sense...??? I thought about it a long time and it makes a little bit of sense...so...

Next week I'll be able to work on a few things from home but currently in this moment, I haven't been able to solely think about this trip. I am still trying to finish up the semester and get things squared away at my field placements, so for the moment, something has to be in park....

Searching for something beautiful....

He said..."If you go searching for weeds in a field, then thats what you will find"
"If you go searching for something beautiful then thats what you will find"
"But if you go with a balanbed mind set you will get a holistic view point of the truth"

I told him, everyone keeps telling me to prepare for this SA trip because it is going to be a life changing experience. I don't know how. I need a concrete example of how to do that. And he responded giving me the most reflective response ever...

Back and forth...Topsy, turvy...yeah, all of that and a lil' bit mo'...lol

So, I decided to go!

I have talked to alot of people...people from U of M that have been very supportive of me throughout this entire project and ordeal! I don't give U of M much credit very often, however, there are a few people that I have developed relationships with that definitely seem to care about me and take interest in the things that I am doing. Which is very important...

I don't want to name their names because I don't know where this blog may end up or who may read this but...Special Studies Adviser, OGA Adviser, Doctoral Candidate from NRSE....thanks a million...

Well, I have alot to do at this point....

I'll keep you posted

Is sad but I'll keep it moving...yah digg

The decision has been made

I won't be going to SA

I have to re pay CAAS

My airplane is non refundable but I can change the destination as long as I cancel the ticket before the leave date

I am going to negotiate with CCS about refund percentage

I have to pay back OAMI

I slept well last night and tonight I'll do the same

A Worldwind (spelling?) of Emotions...

I have decided not to go to South Africa

Psychosomatic Symptoms...

This organization has really been putting me through something...I don't understand the new program advisor, she is definitely a witch. She tries to be compassionate as it relates to my project but then she will sneak a little sly remark in that shakes and quakes my whole life...lol (Guess I'm being a little dramatic) but that's the way I feel. Everytime I open one of their emails, they say something new!! I'm tired of CCS...I have already called Delta to see what the penalties are for cancelling a flight.

As far as my symptoms....I have been feeling really bad for the past two days. I left field placement early the past two days, came home and slept...This isn't the time for me to get sick...I've got finals!

Part of me doesn't want to go at this point because I feel like I have "a bad taste" in my mouth about this organization. I don't want to go into a different culture relying on this organization for support when I already mistrust them...

Chhuurrhhh

Rant...ramble...tear...

This picture is clearly reflecting the mood that I am currently in...

Well, I have written my letters and now I am nervous...I can't believe that this has happened two weeks before my departure date. I am trying to stay prayful and encouraged, however....with finals and my life not really being on rock star status, I'm stressed.



On a more positive note, I have decided to start kicking around concepts for a non ficition book...WOW...I am moving into my last semester of grad school...I think I want to apply for community art positions in Chicago....A self care 'thing' that I am going to do next semester is probably volunteer at a community based arts program....



Ok, I'm done ranting....

Excitement...now disappointment...

What should I do? The news from CCS isn't so good...

I have so many thoughts running through my mind right now. Ok, so if I can't do this project will that compromise my fellowship / grant funds? I want to do this project...